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College Humor - Student Jokes

Our fabulous collection of interesting college jokes that may help distract you from that awful assignment you need to get in tomorrow!!!!

Category: College Humor Jokes about: austin community college etc etc

 

Rabbit Joke

How far can a rabbit run into the woods? Halfway. After that she's running out of the woods.


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Fishing Joke

Many years ago, a fisherman's wife blessed her husband with twin sons. They loved the children very much, but couldn't think of what to name their children. Finally, after several days, the fisherman said, 'Let's not decide on names right now. If we wait a little while, the names will simply occur to us. ' After several weeks had passed, the fisherman and his wife noticed a peculiar fact. When left alone, one of the boys would also turn towards the sea, while the other boy would face inland. It didn't matter which way the parents positioned the children, the same child always faced the same direction. 'Let's call the boys Towards and Away, ' suggested the fisherman. His wife agreed, and from that point on, the boys were simply known as Towards and Away. The years passed and the lads grew tall and strong. The day came when the aging fisherman said to his sons, 'Boys, it is time that learned how to make a living from the sea. ' They provisioned their ship, said their goodbyes, and set sail for a three month voyage. The three months passed quickly for the fisherman's wife, yet the ship had not returned. Another three months passed, and still no ship. Three whole years passed before the greiving woman saw a lone man walking towards her house. She recognized him as her husband. 'My goodness! What has happened to my darling boys?' she cried. The ragged fisherman began to tell his story: 'We were just barely one whole day out to see when Towards hooked into a great fish. Towards fought long and hard, but the fish was more than his equal. For a whole week they wrestled upon the waves without either of them letting up. Yet eventually the great fish started to win the battle, and Towards was pulled over the side of our ship. He was swallowed whole, and we never saw either of them again. ' 'Oh dear, that must have been terrible! What a huge fish that must of been!' 'Yes, it was, but you should have seen the one that got Away. . . . '


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Car and train Joke

Did you ever see a country boy in New York whistle for a cab? He puts two fingers in his mouth and hollers, 'Taxi!'


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Cow Joke

What do cows get when they are sick? Hay Fever


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School Joke

School Principal: I've called you into my office, Peter, because I want to talk to you about two words I wish you wouldn't use so often. One is 'great' and the other is 'lousy. ' Peter: Certainly, sir. What are they?


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Bumper Stickers - 6

People who think they know what they're doing are especially annoying to those of us who do.


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Spoof Joke

After Christmas break, a teacher asked her young pupils to write an essay about how they spent their holidays. One small boy wrote the following:We always used to spend Christmas with Grandpa and Grandma. They used to live here in a big brick home, but Grandpa got retarded and they moved to Florida. Now they live in a place with a lot of other retarded people. They all live in little tin boxes. They ride on three-wheeled tricycles and they all wear name tags, because they don't know who they are. They go to a big building called a wrecked hall, but if it was wrecked, they got it fixed because it is alright now. They play games and do exercises there, but they don't do them very good. There is a swimming pool there. They go in it and just stand there with their hats on. I guess they don't know how to swim. As you go into their park, there is a doll house with a little man sitting in it. He watches all day so they can't get out without him seeing them. When they can sneak out they go to the beach and pick up shells that they think are dollars. My grandma used to bake cookies and stuff, but I guess she forgot how. Nobody cooks, they just eat out. They eat the same thing every night - early birds. Some of the people are so retarded they don't know how to cook at all, so my Grandma and Grandpa bring food into the wrecked hall and they call it 'Pot Luck'. My Grandma says Grandpa worked all his life and earned his retardment. I wish they would move back up here, but I guess the little man in the doll house won't let them out.


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Cop Joke

A motorcycle patrolman was rushed to the hospital with an inflamed appendix. The doctors operated and advised him that all was well. However, the patrolman kept feeling something pulling at the hairs on his chest. Worried that it might be a second surgery the doctors hadn't told him about, he finally got enough energy to pull his hospital gown down enough so he could look at what was making him so uncomfortable.

Taped firmly across his hairy chest were three wide strips of adhesive tape, the kind that doesn't come off easily. Written in large black letters was the sentence.

'Get well quick. . . . . from the nurse you gave a ticket to last week. '


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Funny Joke

He has a one-track mind, and the traffic on it is very light. He paid $500 to have his family tree searched, and found out he was the sap. There are times he has something on his mind -- he wears a hat occasionally. His neck reminds you of a typewriter -- Underwood. The only time he thinks is in a poolroom, where he can rack his brains. If you want the real dope about anything, go to the real dope -- HIM! He bought a topless bathing suit for his half-sister. A traffic judge asked him, 'Have you ever been up before me?' And he said, 'I don't know, what time do you get up?' Once he saw an old woman fall down, but didn't help her up. His mother warned him against having anything to do with fallen women. He's never bought Christmas seals --says he wouldn't know what to feed them. He carried a double-barreled gun to the ball game, because he heard the Lions were playing the Tigers. He called it quits when his fourth child was born, because he read that every fifth child born is Chinese! He won't let his daughter go to college because he heard that the students have to show their professors their thesis. The first time he heard about the Boston Tea Party, he asked who the caterer was. When a beggar asked him, 'Do you have a quarter for a sandwich?' he said 'Let's see the sandwich. '


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Blonde Joke - 1

On her way home from a long trip, a blonde drove past a sign that said 'CLEAN RESTROOMS 8 MILES. 'By the time she drove eight miles, she had cleaned 43 restrooms.



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