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College Humor - Student Jokes

Our fabulous collection of interesting college jokes that may help distract you from that awful assignment you need to get in tomorrow!!!!

Category: College Humor Jokes about: andover college etc etc

 

Travel Humor

Two retired ladies were on the beach in Miami. They were discussing the fact that if they gofor a swim, someone might steal their cigarettes, but if they take the cigarettes with them, theywill get soaked. Then they notice a gorgeous girlwalking out of the ocean. She reaches into the topof her swimsuit, pulls out a perfectly drycigarette and book of matches and lights up. Theladies go up to the girl and ask, 'How do you keepyour cigarettes dry?' Her answer, 'I put them insideof a condom. ' The women rush to a pharmacy and ask for acondom. When the pharmacist asks, 'What size?' one ofthe ladies says, 'It should fit a Camel. '


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Fun Funny Joke

What is the prudent thing to do when someone has an epileptic seizure in a hot tub?Toss in your laundry.


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Dieting Joke

SKINNY PEOPLE ANNOY ME!!! Especially when they say things like, 'You know sometimes I forget to eat. ' Now I've forgotten my address, my mother's maiden name, and my car keys, but I have never forgotten to eat. You have to be a special kind of stupid to forget to eat.




Complaining about dieting and excercise burns off 200 calories per hour.




Handy dandy dieting tip: CARROT CAKE COUNTS AS A SERVING OF VEGETABLES.


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Men Joke

Now do you save a man from drowning? Take your foot off his head.


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Relationships Joke

A concerned husband went to a doctor to talk about his wife. He says to the doctor, 'Doctor, I think my wife is deaf because she never hears me the first time and always asks me to repeat things. ' 'Well, ' the doctor replied, 'go home and tonight stand about 15 feet from her and say something to her. If she doesn't reply move about 5 feet close and say it again. Keep doing this so that we'll get an idea about the severity of her deafness'. Sure enough, the husband goes home and does exactly as instructed. He starts off about 15 feet from his wife in the kitchen as she is chopping some vegetables and says, 'Honey, what's for dinner?' He hears no response. He moves about 5 feet closer and asks again. No reply. He moves 5 feet closer. Still no reply. He gets fed up and moves right behind her, about an inch away, and asks again, 'Honey, what's for dinner?' She replies, 'For the fourth time, vegetable stew!'


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Waiter Joke

Customer: Do you have bacon and eggs on the menu: Waiter: No, we clean our menus regularly.


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Legal Humor

Why don't you ever see lawyers at the beach?The cats keep covering them up with sand!


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Assorted Joke

A foursome of senior golfers hit the course with waning enthusiasm for the sport. 'These hills are getting steeper as the years go by, ' one complained. 'These fairways seem to be getting longer too, ' said one of the others. 'The sand traps seem to be bigger than I remember them too, ' said the third senior. After hearing enough from his Senior buddies, the oldest, and the wisest of the four of them at 87 years old, piped up and said. . . 'Quit your dang complaining and just be thankful we're still on the RIGHT SIDE of the grass!'


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Naughty Joke

97 year old man comes to his doctor looking depressed. He says 'Doc, I think I'm impotent. ' Doctor sits himdown and begins the standard speech he gives to seniorcitizens, about how as the body ages bodily functionsslow down and it is completely normal to suffer somedecrease in sexual desire. How the man shouldn't worryor become upset about it, but should just relax andthings will probably be completely fine andblah blah blah. Finally the doctor asks 'Whendid you first begin to think you were impotent?''Three times last night, and again this morning. '


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Doctor Joke

Patient: Doctor, I think I swallowed a pillow. Doctor: How do you feel?Patient: A little down in the mouth.



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